Sorry! Hehehe... I just couldn't resist posting these. Enjoy!
1. "The aim of policy is to invoke action! Because action speaks louder than words! You do not just say I love you. You say: If you love me, enter me!" - Dr. Alfonso Pacquing
2. "Class, next week na lang yung result sa exam niyo. I am having a hard time checking it. I will seek first the divine guidance on what to do about it. Class, don't worry about your grade. Let me worry about it." - Sir de Jesus (Envi Sci1)
3. (Valentine's day)
"Ano ba yan? Students ba kayo ng U.P.? Bakit ang bababa ng scores niyo? Siguro wala kayong date ngayong valentines kaya nito kayo. Losers!!! When I was your age I had a date. Hindi ba naapektuhan ng UP Fair euphoria yung grades niyo? Parang di kayo masaya..." (Tinapon ang quizzes sa sahig)
"I won't record this. Go find a date." (Nag-walkout) - Sir Doliente (BA)
4. Ma'am: Many people believe that we, psychology graduates can read minds...
Ma'am: Actually, we can.
Ma'am: Right now, you think that I'm bluffing. - Ms. Chei Billedo (Psych)
5. "The human body is 70% water. Kaya wala kayong saysay lahat. Pag may kaaway ka, sabihin mo sa kanya, TUBIG KA LANG! TUBIG!" - Dr. Recio
6. "Oo, nagpapaulan ako ng uno. Bakit? Aanhin ko ba yun? Di naman ako yayaman dun." - Sir Atoy Navarro (histo1)
7. "Nasa bandang gilid ang fallopian tube. Kaya kung gusto niyong magka-anak ng asawa niyo, dapat nakatagilid kayo habang gumagawa." - Ms. Meggie (Zoo10)
8. "Last sem was the first time that I gave a grade of 5 and it felt GOOD!!" - Prof Goldie (Comm3)
9. "You do not fall in love; you rise in love. That's how you love rationally." - Prof FG David
10. "Don't take the bar and yourselves too seriously. Baka mabalitaan na lang namin na nag-o-oral summation kayo sa Luneta. O lumulutang-lutang sa Pasig River. Enjoy yourselves, relax, and read at least 15 hours a day. Nakakabobo ang sobrang tulog. Mag-relax ka habang nagbabasa. Mag-relax habang nagmememorize."
11. Prof: O, meron na bang nakapunta sa inyo sa (insert XXX place here)?
Prof: (disappointed) Ano?! Puro na lang ba kayo aral? Aral na lang kayo ng aral, ha? Wala na kayong napupuntahan kakaaral niyo!
12. "The more wisdom you obtain, the more you shut your mouth. This is because the more you learn, the more you realize that there are even more things that you do not know.
The true mark of an idiot is a loud mouth and the true mark of a wise man is humility."
- Paraphrased galing kay PI100. (Best prof sa CAL.)
13. Student: Ma'am pwede po bang next week na kami mag-report?
Ma'am: Alam mo, God is good. And I am God. So yes, pwede next week.
14. "Try everything once except incest." - Sir U Eliserio (CW)
15. "Hoy girls, wag kayong kukuha ng boyfriend dito sa UP. Pare-parehas tayong mahirap dito. Kumuha kayo ng mayaman. 80% of the child's intelligence comes from the mother naman eh. Kayo guys, wag kayo kukuha ng bobong babae. Kahit matalino kayo, magiging bobo ang anak niyo." - Dr. Mendioro
16. "I do not know many. I know enough just to teach my classes." - Dr. David
17. "We do not accept anyone here in class except for those who are members of a certain minority group. For example, gays are part of a minority group. Bakla ka ba? If you admit to this class that you are gay, then I'll admit you." - Prof "Hail to the chair" (haha)
18. (Second to the last meeting) "Okay class, next week, we start the lecture proper." - Ms. Vitriolo
19. Language Elective Prof: "Punyetissima! " (sosyal pati mura Italian!)
20. "Marx is more Christian than Christ and Christ is more Marxist than Marx." - Sir Lanuza
21. (Upon finding out that Sir Gerry's brother is actually a CATHOLIC PRIEST.)
Class: Sir, hindi ba nagagalit sa iyo kapatid mo?
Prof: Bakit? Hindi naman niya alam na aethiest ako ah.
- Sir Gerry Lanuza
22. "Experience the world. Mag-drugs kayo! Mag-orgy kayo!" - Sir Gerry Lanuza
23. Sir Lanuza's story on his attempt to restore intellectual conversations:
(Figaro Coffee Shop. A girl is seated alone on a table.)
Sir Gerry: Excuse me, miss, nagbabasa ka po ba ng Nietzsche? *Points to book he is bringing*
Girl: *Quickly gathers things and leaves.*
24. "I'm gay-- so gay i could show you my penis because it is but an accessory to my body." - Jean Navera (SPCM1)
25. STUDENT: Sir, pwede po magpa-sit in yung friends ko?
PROF: From what school are they?
STUDENT: St. Scho po.
PROF: "Go ahead. So they'll realize what they're missing. St. Scho, St. Scho... eskwelahan na ba yun sa inyo?!"
26. "Class, kaya mahal ang bayad sa mga professors sa ibang school kasi ang bobobo ng mga estudyante dun. Dyuskoh, I used to teach there... at lumuluha talaga ako ng dugo bago maintindihan ng mga students yung sinasabi ko. Ang mahal nga ng bayad, magkakasakit ka naman sa panga kakaulit ng lessons! Wag na lang! Dito na ko sa UP, at least nagkakaintindihan tayo. Diba?"
27. "Running for summa ka? Mapapagod ka lang."
28. "Domestication of the human male is one of the greatest achievement of the human race." - Dr. David
29. "Do not live long enough to be worthless." - Dr. David
30. "To be born is to die. In between they grow and multiply like flies. 6.2 billion people in the world. Kadiri, ano?" - Dr. David
31. "Religion is a successful economic institution. " - Dr. David
32. "Si Miriam, crush ko 'yun dati. Muntikan na maging kami, kaso nasiraan ng ulo, kaya 'yun, iba ang asawa ko."
33. "Kapatid ng sinungaling ang magnanakaw."
"Ergo, gma's marriage to mike arroyo is null and void ab initio."
- Consti Law Class, 1st sem, AY 2005-06
34. "Class, gusto ko kayong i-train na mag-English, so when you're here in class, magsalita kayo ng English! Ako lang ang exempted dahil matanda na ako at ako ang teacher!"
35. "Hindi mahirap makakuha ng UNO sa class ko. Yung gumradweyt last year na Magna Cum Laude ng Biochem, uno siya sakin sa Chem 18" - Ma'am Ilao
36. (Student reciting without raising his/her hand)
Prof: "I think this is the first time i have a student w/ tourette in my class..."
Student: *Keeps on reciting*
Prof: "Wow the ejaculatory comments just don't stop!"
37. "Birds of the same feather FLOCK together...don' t forget the L". - SocSci1 Prof
38. "I'll strangle you, strangle you really hard, smack right in your jugular (pause ng mga 5 seconds), you do know where your jugular is?"
39. "Bakit parang napakaligaya ng klase niyo? Maging sad naman kayo, 5 mins." - Math 100 Prof.
40. "Well of course when you sell your soul you have to make an elaborate justification to make yourself feel good." - Sir Walden Bello, Socio 127
41. "Look at me, I'm 433 years old pero ang lakas lakas ko pa. Eh kung walang gulay eh di kakain na lang ako ng damo. Kung wala eh di tubig, kung wala mag-ipon na lang ako ng laway." - Sir Tiamson, Italian 11
42. Prof: "Mr. Gatbunton, why are you late?!"
Student:"Sorry Ma'am, galing pa ako Las Pinas."
Prof: "Ladies, don't marry somebody from Las Pinas because they have bamboo organs!!"
- Prof Soresca Spanish 1
43. "There are only two countries who still use Fahrenheit.. the United States of America and Liberia ... a pathetic country in Africa." - Sir Argete
44. "It's okay to smoke inside my class. As long as you don't breathe it out." - Dr. Obsioma, Biodiversity
45. (No one is reciting)
Prof: "Wag na mahiya, you have nothing to lose but your face.."
- Ma'am Cathy, Geol 11
46. (Habang 2nd exam at malakas ang ulan)
Prof: "Ang lakas ng ulan, ayos yan at least hindi halata pag umiiyak.." - Sir Agapito
47. "When you graduate, then you begin to live." - Dr. Carmen Jimenez, Psych 118
48. (Commenting on a thesis of a senior student)
Prof: "'Yang thesis mo? .. Mamamatay ka!! Mamamatay ka!!"
- Dr. llanes, UPM
49. "Atheist ako, pero pag nasa bahay, nagro rosary kami ng Nanay ko, eh kung magalit sa 'kin yun..." - Socio 11 Prof
50. "Anong molars? You don't say molars because it is an adjective! Do you say beautifuls?"
- Ma'am Ilao, to a student who said "n molars"
51. "Kahit magpakamatay ka pa di mo masasagot yang problem set na yan dahil pang-157 (phy chem II) yan!" - Ibid
52. "Do not memorize! Analyze!"
- Dr. Nic, advising her students never to memorize reaction mechanisms
53. "Kaya nga ideal eh, hindi siya nangyayari sa totoong buhay. Pero an approximation is good enough." - Sir Engle, on ideal and real systems
54. Sabi ng dean who is 80 yrs old: "Class you're laughing now, but I will predecease you all!"
55. (Second day of classes)
Prof: *Kinuha ang box ng colored chalks* Ano ba naman ito...
*Tapos iniitsa sa lamesa yung mga dark colored chalks*
Class: (Tahimik na nagmamasid)
Prof: Class, sulatan niyo ang manufacturer ng chalk na ito, at sabihing tanggalin na ang mga walang kwentang kulay na ito... brown, green, violet. hindi makikita ito sa board. Convince them...
Class: (Tahimik at gulat)
Prof: ...and .25 incentive sa final grade niyo!
56. Terror prof after an exam (last day na din ng class..): "Ok class.. see you next sem!"
57. Class: Sir, sa exams po ba nagbibigay kayo ng partial points?
Prof: Hmm.. if i see partial wisdom
58. "Oh, this is good. It's poetic because it's perfectly stupid."
- Prof. Ricardo de Ungria
59. Prof: Did I remind the class last meeting that we're going to have an exam today?
Prof: Okay, it seems I forgot to remind the class that we're going to have an exam today. I'm giving you 5 minutes then to buy a blue book. We're going to have an exam today."
60. "Today is the first day of the rest of your lives." - GE 1 Prof
61. "When you feel like giving up, just close your eyes and think back to the saddest point in your lives...awwww. .." - GE 1 Prof
62. "What's the color of YOUR daisy?" - Nonoy Tamayo (Geol 1)
63. "Wow. Rape-able."
64. "Stand up Miss ___, so that I might see the contours of your body."
65. Prof: *Looks at girl's long necklace* Are those real?
Girl: That's a question you should never ask a girl!
66. Lastly...sa PHILO: "I THINK THEREFORE I AM FROM UP!"